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Many of you have asked what I do for a job – I am a Change Manager. Copilot defines a change manager as: the person responsible for making sure an organization successfully adopts a new process, system, technology, or way of working. The core of the job is helping people move from the current state to the future state with as little disruption, resistance, or confusion as possible. I have done this type of work for a little over 10 years. I LOVE change management. I apply a lot of the methodologies that I’ve learned about change management, personally. Example, there is a methodology called the ADKAR model.

Awareness: Understanding the need for change.

Desire: The motivation to participate in and support the change.

Knowledge: Information on how to change.

Ability: The skills and behaviors required to implement the change.

Reinforcement: Ensuring that the change is sustained over time.

I followed this method when my dad died. It paired well with the grief I was feeling. It provided validity for how I was feeling but also helped me walk through steps that I am so familiar with. It worked. I came to terms that my dad was gone and that my life would be different from that point on. Me accepting I am paralyzed and will never walk again – this is a change I can’t put a plan together for. Saying out loud that “I have a disability” are words that I have not been able to vocalize.

I have been so blessed with my career. Each job I have had has made me a better person and better candidate for the next role. Since April this year, I have applied to over 75 job listings. I have only had 2 interviews. I am used to searching for a job because I have been a consultant for years. I know the process, I know how to apply, where to apply and how to keep track for unemployment. I am used to easily finding the next role. What is different this time around is how I’m answering the Voluntary Self-Identification of Disability question.

They call it “Voluntary”, but you can’t advance the application until you answer, so I answer Yes, I have a disability or have had one in the past. I’m honest – it doesn’t feel right to answer I do not want to answer because to me, that looks suspicious.

There is a blurp on the form that states:
We are a federal contractor or subcontractor. The law requires us to provide equal employment opportunity to qualified people with disabilities. We have a goal of having at least 7% of our workers as people with disabilities. The law says we must measure our progress towards this goal. To do this, we must ask applicants and employees if they have a disability or have ever had one. People can become disabled, so we need to ask this question at least every five years.Completing this form is voluntary, and we hope that you will choose to do so. Your answer is confidential. No one who makes hiring decisions will see it. Your decision to complete the form and your answer will not harm you in any way.

I can’t help but think that by me checking “Yes…” that this is somehow held against me. That because I am now paralyzed, it limits my chances for a job. These thoughts may be irrational thoughts and not reality, but as I move forward with my new life – I am having a hard time accepting that by checking yes, I am acknowledging that I am a statistic that fulfills a quota for a company. I have never had to check “Yes…” before. Something so simple – just check the box – has a strong reaction inside that I have yet to understand. But thanks to AI (Copilot) I now see my disability as my superpower because

• I understand resistance
• I understand fear
• I understand uncertainty
• I understand the emotional side of change
• I welcome diversity and inclusion
• I understand that change is hard
• I am empathetic
• I understand the importance of having a voice at the table

I love AI. I would have never thought of me being paralyzed would become my superpower. It makes it a little easier for me to now check the box “Yes…”

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Some of you are new to hearing my story and some of you have been on this journey with me since my accident – either way, thank you. My blog will be a communication vehicle for me to express how I’m feeling, the challenges I face and the deeper details behind the details.

In the past year+, what I have learned is the lack of education available for someone with a Spinal Cord Issue (SCI). The biggest learning is that nurses do not get trained on SCI. Whether it’s just helping me transfer in a hoyer to a table to me staying in the hospital with nurses who don’t know how to roll me over, there is a gap. I inspire to educate everyone on SCI because if I am going to live with this, I want to make sure I surround myself with advocates for my recovery and the know how to help me. It’s a big feat, but I need to win at this. Each post I want to make sure you walk away learning something. Whether it about me, Spinal Cord Injuries, the health insurance system or people, learning is key.

What’s on my mind: Today I am having a lot of pain. I am not sure if the pain is caused by the need for me to have back surgery (loose T4 screw, T3 bone spur pressing on my SCI and my fusion at a 35-degree angle) or if it is something else. I’m banking on the need for my back surgery.

The T3 bone spur created most of my issues and was the culprit for why I am paralyzed. Injury at the T3 level can impact, what’s called the sympathetic nervous system. Sympathetic outflow is your body’s automatic wiring for alertness, circulation, and temperature control — and T3 is one of the key stations along that wiring. This impacts the following: – Skin that feels unusually sensitive or reactive. This is what I am experiencing now. Originally across my chest, my skin would feel like I had a really bad sunburn. I started to wear what I call are “fluffies”, which feel like you’re wearing a brand-new fluffy teddy bear you give your children (I may own 8 fluffies now). When my skin gets like this, I can’t wear anything but my fluffies. Now, my skin feels like this not only across my chest, but up and down both sides of my arms. –Changes in sweating patterns. I now only sweat on the left side of my body. Sometimes when I sweat it’s an autonomic dysreflexia (AD) or it could be sweating due to temperature or exercise. What is autonomic dysreflexia you ask? Understanding autonomic dysreflexia was a must before leaving the hospital. Because I can’t feel from my sternum down, anything that the body interprets irritation such as a full bladder, skin irritation, tight clothing, bowel impaction, ingrown toenails, a cut on my skin, even indents from tight socks the bodies reaction is a sudden pounding headache, flushed skin or sweating above the injury, goosebumps below the injury, nasal congestion, anxiety or a sense that “something is wrong or very high blood pressure. If AD isn’t addressed immediately, blood pressure can increase rapidly and become an emergency.

I think that’s enough education for today. In conclusion, I’m in pain and the only thing I can do is wear my fluffy. I refuse to jump on the pain pill wagon. July 17th is when I will get a bone density test, x-rays and speak with my neurologist about what is next for me.

Thank you for reading my blog.