Popping the balloon

What goes up, must come down.

I started my new job on July 13th. This role is a tactical change management role. Starting hit differently than before my accident. I’ve been blessed with my career. 10+ years ago I started as a tactical change manager where I learned the foundational tools needed for my role. I advanced then job to job carrying my toolbox and applying the foundation and then leveling up to setting strategy. I was able to maintain this role for a while until learned how to be a leader with having a leadership title – Shelley Goodman, Director of Change Management. I finally made it.

Then my accident happened.

I went back to work after 2 months of being off. I went back to the role of Director of Change Management, but yet, I wasn’t any longer. I didn’t have the confidence. I didn’t know how to adapt to being gone for so long. I couldn’t catch up on what I had missed. My teammates supported me daily. They gave me grace when I needed it, jumped in to help in areas I had forgotten, and overall, always checked in to see how I was doing. I felt safe. Safe with this work family I became a part of and relied on far more than I had thought. Then June 1st came and it ended. I had to leave my teammates who knew my story but treated me all the same. I left teammates who had continued to help me to be stronger both personally and professionally. I left my safe space, left to grieve another area of loss.

Then I got a message on June 16th from a recruiter who said, “you have an awesome background, and I’d love to connect with you on an opportunity”. She was talking about the background I worked so hard to build. I felt honored. By then, I had applied to well over 70 jobs and had one interview. I quickly responded that I was interested in learning more. The ball started to roll and then I learned the role was for a tactical change manager. The job that started my career, I would be starting again. Is this foreshadowing? June 25th, I interviewed for the job. June 26th, I got the call that the client wanted to work with me. I froze and couldn’t respond. I froze out of fear. I had to call back the consulting company I would be working for. I needed to process what was happening and the fear. I haven’t been afraid about starting a new job in years. Then it hit me.

The people I would be working with didn’t know the Shelley before the accident. They didn’t know Shelley who had an accident. They certainly didn’t know Shelley who lives day-to-day with a spinal cord injury. The Shelley who can only live one day at a time to survive. How do I tell them about how the old Shelley died and that I don’t know who the new Shelley is yet – she’s a work in progress. Will they accept me. Will I accept myself as a tactical change manager instead of leading the change.

I’m now 7 days into a new job. I immediately felt welcomed. I was able to share my story with some, because on camera I do look different, and so far so good. I’m still transforming from being a leader to a doer, but that will come in time.

Another area that I need to be ok with being the new Shelley.

One day at a time.